What to Do When Your Engagement Ring Isn't What You Dreamed Of

Understandably, you feel a storm of emotions in you when you receive an engagement ring that doesn’t suit your preferences. 

For one, you are sure that you don’t like the ring. At the same time, you don’t want to hurt your fiancé’s feelings by bringing up the truth. 

After all, your fiancé spent much money and time looking for what is supposed to be the “perfect” ring for you. 

To make sure that you don’t break their heart, you try to feign interest. However, it’s all very clear to you that the ring isn’t one that you would want to wear every day. How can you solve this dilemma?

The only solution: Tell your fiancé the truth

There is no other way to get around this situation than to tell what you feel, and to do so at the right time and place. 


By the time your fiancé has brought you an engagement ring, you should have known each other very well. That means you should have a solid idea of how your other half behaves — to be a little bit more specific — how they respond to inconvenient truth or correction.

It is natural for anyone to take correction as uncomfortable at first, but what matters is how a person should eventually overcome this discomfort to accept the factuality of the problem. Only by acknowledging a problem can something be done to address it. 


If your partner can do that, it will tell many things about their maturity and love for you.If your partner has a history of being open when it comes to acknowledging mistakes, then you should not be worried about telling the truth about what you think, immediately after your partner offers the ring. That’s the ideal partner you should have as you can be sure that the response to your concerns will be mature and respectful. Your partner will understand what you feel, apologize for the oversight, and ask you to help out in picking the ring. However, the problem gets complicated if your partner tends to be closed-minded.

How to tell your partner about what you feel about the ring

Given how your fiancé responds to the correction, you will need to strategize the way you will tell your side to your fiancé. You can ask for help from your partner’s closest friends or relatives so that you would be able to come up with a message that won’t make them think of the wrong idea about what you feel. 


You also have to find the right timing to bring it up. You can’t bring up the topic if your partner is facing serious issues, in a bad mood, or when they’ve just had one of the happiest moments of their lives. You want to tell them what you think when they’re at their most stable state of mind: not too happy nor too sad or angry. 


At the same time, you need to prepare yourself emotionally and mentally by rehearsing what you want to say. You have to be clear with your reasons for not liking the ring. Remember to be aware of your voice and body language. It’s also important to come up with an alternative plan that you can suggest to your partner. For example, you can offer to accompany them to the jeweler to find a replacement. 


Once you have mustered the courage and found the right timing to tell them the truth, you can bring up the topic. Begin by saying how you appreciate the effort they did in looking for a ring. Then, gently tell them that you have other preferences compared to what they gave you. Immediately follow up that statement by underscoring how you still love them despite them choosing a ring that you don’t love. Before you bring up your suggested alternative plan, ask them what their thoughts are. Incorporate any of their ideas to your suggested way forward.

Communication is important

Mutual trust and respect form the foundation of any relationship, regardless of the kind of engagement ring that either party gives the other. Openness on the part of your partner is an indication of their maturity and seriousness to make it up to you for their mistake. 


On the other hand, you need to be sensitive in the way you tell the truth. Make it a point to underscore the fact that you still love them even if they didn’t give you a ring to your liking. A ring is only a symbol; it is not and should not be equated to the totality of your relationship with each other.

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